Directions for life -an e-book version in English

Dear reader

First, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Gal Ben-Or, I am 48 years old and I have been working as an Alexander teacher for the last 25 years. (For more details please look "the author").

Though the Alexander technique is a well known and respected technique in the field of alternative medicine for more than 100 years, not enough has been, unfortunately, done in the field of educating and treating young children.

In my practice, and through many years of experience, I have developed a unique approach to working with children. This approach allows a simple implication of the Alexander principles in the lives of children suffering from many different disabilities (such as Hypotonya , learning difficulties, attention deficit , many orthopedic problems like neck pain, back pain ,scoliosis, tendon inflammation , stuttering and breathing problems and more).I have applied my work in the field of education as well, allowing healthy  children to benefit from the Alexander principles  in the preventive sphere and so giving them conscience tools to deal with many of the modern life challenges.

 In my book, "Directions for life" already self- published in Hebrew in Israel, and now available as an E-Book here on this Blog, I am describing many case studies showing the different possibilities of the hidden potential of the Alexander technique as well as the principles themselves and my unique approach. It is written in a simple language and is intended for the wide public and especially for parents as well as for professionals in the fields of education and medicine and Alexander teachers. 

About the author 

Gal Ben-Or- Born in 1963. He is married and the father of three children.

He graduated from the School for Teachers of the Alexander Technique directed by Shmuel Nelkin in Jerusalem.

He was certified as a teacher of the Alexander Technique in 1987.

As a senior teacher of the Alexander Technique, he has developed a unique approach to teaching children, adolescents and parents, according to the principles of the Alexander Technique.

1998-2002 – founder and director of the Mishal Association, established in April 1998 by the parents of children who had been helped by the Alexander Technique

2001-2006 – member of the team of professional care-givers at a boarding school for youth at risk.

He has taught the Alexander Technique at the ’Y’dida’ home for adults with light to medium retardations, at the ‘Hatana’ Special Education school in Jerusalem, at ‘Alyn’ hospital , in the Jerusalem Municipal kindergarten ‘Hasataf' and   at the ‘Kesem’ school.

2004-2006 –Chairman, Association of Teachers of the Alexander Technique, Israel

2008 –Chairman, Council of Alternative Health Professions, in Israel.

2011- Published his book "Directions for life" in Israel

Present:   director of a course certifying teachers of the Alexander Technique. Riding instructor at ‘Nataf’ Farm.  Maintains private clinics in Jerusalem and Tel Aviv, working with adults and children. Gives lectures and workshops on the Alexander Technique and his work.

The perfect girl

The perfect girl 

There was a faint knock on the door of my workroom.  Opening the door, I found a young woman standing before me.  Behind her on the stairs leading down to my room stood a young girl, leaning on crutches. She stood there, just organizing herself to descend the stairs, her hair dark and smooth, her eyes dark and large behind glasses, and a smile.  I could continue a long while, describing that smile, but it is enough to say that it was a smile reserved for young noble  girls whenever they are caught for an instant unprepared, as if  at that instant their slightly awkward, down-to-earth nature is revealed .

I smiled back at her without saying a word.  At that same moment it was clear to both of us that she was the center of matters and that the connection between us would be direct, simple, and open. No intervention of the mother would be needed as is normal when young children come to me for the first time.

Haddass handed her crutches to her mother, and, leaning on the banister, jumped down the stairs on one leg. At the bottom, she took back the crutches and proceeded on her own steam to my workroom. If I had had a thought of helping her, it vanished immediately when I saw how she managed.  Despite the slight awkwardness of using crutches, she held firmly to her nobility and I had no intention of taking that from her.

Haddass was seven years old. She had suffered for the last year from recurrent inflammations of the Achilles tendon of her right ankle.  The remission between her first and second attacks had been four months long, but subsequently the time between attacks had shortened and their severity increased.

In my workroom Haddass sat down heavily on the chair in the center of the room. She asked if she should take off her shoes so that I could examine her.  She had had, undoubtedly, much experience with examinations. I checked the leg superficially, asked a few questions about the pain and its position, but noted to myself that it was not by focusing on the ‘problem’ that I would find the solution.

I stopped the conversation by suggesting to Haddass, ‘Come. Let’s leave the leg for a while .  Here are some games on the table.  Which one would you like to play?’ She accepted the idea happily and chose a game in which the players had to build a tower of plastic clowns. One clown is the base and the others are placed on it, one above the other. Not only is the game interesting and amusing, it also reveals several traits of the child’s character, for example, his daring and readiness to take risks, and tests his hand and eye coordination. Before we began, I explained to Haddass that, while she was playing, I would direct her with my hands, if she did not object to this. She agreed with ease and naturalness. Her mother had told me that she had no special problems in her studies. She loved activity and sport and often played outside.

The main purpose of my directing was to guide Haddass’s movements so that they would flow without unnecessary tension and effort. I also examined the quality of her movements. I received the impression of a strong and stable back. She sat beside me, upright, smiling and happy.  She played excellently, controlled the clowns easily, and interacted with me freely.

Nevertheless she had severe tendonitis.  I judged that something in the way she used herself was causing the inflammations but as this stage I was groping in the dark.

After the game, I asked Haddass to lie down on my worktable.  She jumped to the table about two meters away and lay down on her back. I stood behind her head and gently placed my hands under her head, near the joint between head and neck. Within a few seconds, a subtle, quiet movement began, invisible to the eye but extending down to her heels and the tips of her toes.  I understood that I had grasped the thread leading to the solution of Haddass’s problem.  She, herself, because of her strong desire to excel and the effort she invested in being perfect, had caused the interior flow, the movement of life in her body, to stop. Her muscles had hardened in the effort to be ‘o.k.’, to be ‘right’, to be a ‘good girl.’

After a minute or two during which Haddass rested, I started working on her right leg.  As I did this, I began explaining what I was doing. Immediately her nose crinkled up in the attempt to understand my words and to show me that she was listening. I told her simply, ‘There’s no need to work so hard to understand.  You can just lay there, rest and do nothing.  You don’t have to understand; you don’t have to react.  And there’s no need at all to remember what I say.  Actually, it’s better for you simply to rest.’  She smiled in relief and, as I worked, life began once more to flow through her body.

After a few minutes I took her off the bed and told her not to try to do alone what she had learned with me.  It would even be better to forget everything and to continue as normal—certainly, there was no homework.

All this time her mother sat and watched.  Not once had she intervened. She simply sat and watched, permitting the impressions to reach her consciousness.  Now I was free to speak also with her.  Haddass found a puzzle and occupied herself. 

I explained to the mother the way I worked, explained the principles of the Alexander technique and answered her many questions. We parted and agreed that, if she decided to continue treatment, she should call and arrange an appointment.

The idea leading work with families

In parallel to my individual work with children, I relate to them also as part of a wide circle of family including, most importantly, their parents.

Not only is it the child who is disappointed of himself because he cannot meet the expectations adults have hung on him. Many parents who speak with me also feel disappointed. Often they, too, have been hurt; their trust has been hurt, the trust they had in care givers, in the possibilities for their child and in their own ability to help him.

I look at them.  They look at me and look at their child.

What are they thinking about?

What are they feeling?

I try to get to know them, to have an impression of them, to feel.  What are their feelings? What are they saying? What does their body language say?

I say to them in my way:  ‘Observe.  Ask.  Don’t work from blind faith, but don’t refuse without understanding as well. Take part in the process. I’m not hiding anything. I have no tricks, no magic, no professional secrets or short cuts.

I invite them to join the process of trial and error, repair and renewal, freedom and direction.  I explain my method of work to them and the principles behind my work, and I guide them in that area which Alexander called ‘The use of the child by himself.’ I explain to them the new terms of the Alexander Technique:  direction, primary control, sensory appreciation, giving directions, and such, and I demonstrate on their child and on themselves what I mean by these terms.  In this way I give them my message of shared work and cooperation, cooperation between them and their child, between them and me.

My work offers changes. It teaches children to do what they want to do in a new way, and later they are asked to live this change also outside the work room. The children have, of course, personal responsibility for themselves and for the change that comes to them from the work, but at the same time they are a part of a wider system of family and society. From this comes the great importance I give to the condition that the child’s close environment, and in particular his family, understand the processes that are affecting him, in both theory and practice,  and know how to contain these processes so as to support the child. It is important that the parents, or at least one of them, receive practical lessons in the Technique.  Without their own practical experience it is impossible to truly understand their child’s experience

The basic, immediate and natural wish of every parent is to help their child, especially whenever there is any problem, such as back pains, difficulties in writing or a bent spine. However, occasionally parents are unaware of the importance of the way in which they help. 

The great contribution that they can make to help their child lies first of all in the work that they do on themselves.  Only when they do this work seriously and honestly have they the possibility of establishing a supporting dialogue between themselves and their child.  Parents have an enormous influence on their child from the day of their birth.  They are the example their child copies, and from them he learns the most basic, primary matters.

Among these basic matters they have a far reaching and deep influence on the way their child uses himself. For example:  A father’s particular style of walk can be clearly seen in the style of walk of his son or daughter; a mother’s special tilt of her head can be recognized in her son or daughter.

Sometimes parents forget or they don’t properly appreciate the power of personal example, one of the most significant powers in education. A father who smokes has vast difficulties persuading his son not to do as father does. A mother who suffers from lower back pain should not wonder if her daughter develops similar pain.

So, parents are the model to copy and from a very young age children integrate their parents’ habits, for good or for bad. Therefore, when a parent asks me, ‘What can I do to help my child?’ I suggest that he begin to create consciously a change for the good in his own use of himself. When the parent improves consciously his use of himself, he changes his unconscious, harmful influence on his child to a conscious, positive and beneficial influence without any direct effort from the child.

Occasionally I run up against parents who believe that if they only sit and observe the lessons without taking lessons themselves, they will understand what I am talking about. Parents who observe a lesson and have no training themselves will see a child who sits straight and comfortably in a chair and plays.  Usually at the end of the lesson they say to their child: ‘From today, you’ll begin to sit straight, just as Gal showed you.’ for that is what they think they have seen. Of course, they say this because of their lack of understanding because of their desire to help, certainly not from any desire to harm, but such words may accomplish exactly the opposite of their desire. They may create unnecessary tension in their child, who can not yet control by himself his new use. They may also create unnecessary tension between parents and their child, for the child feels that he does not live up to his parents’ expectations.  This tension can arouse the child’s opposition to the Technique and to what is happening in our meetings.

I never ask a child to ‘sit straight’. A wall or a floor is meant to be straight, but a back has naturally a kind of S shape, and is not meant to be ‘straight’.  A back is meant to be in a constant subtle movement of lengthening and widening. The child’s upright sitting is the active result of his improving use.  My advice to the parents of a child who studies the Alexander Technique is, first, there is no homework and no need for anyone to tell the child, ‘Sit straight’ or to give any other order. If parents follow this advice, they will save themselves a frustrating struggle as well as a total impossibility to help him, since he doesn’t know how to do that.

Second, I suggest that they take some Alexander lessons, so that they acquire understanding, both theoretical and practical, of the Technique. When parents want their child to become stronger, it is better that they first become stronger. With their own process of inner strengthening, their child will also strengthen. The parents of a child with difficulties must take an active part in his change, as it is first of all their own inner change.  Through the process of change that they undergo, they will themselves be an active part in the processes their child undergoes; they can become themselves a model and an inspiration for him to copy. 

These words are just as true regarding prevention, education and a preparation for a healthy and balanced life. When a parent acquires basic knowledge related to the way he uses himself, he is able to guide and support his child exactly as he teaches him to speak properly or to eat with a knife and fork at the table.